Pre-Marriage Advice from a Wedding Planner
Remember the movie, The Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez? That scene where J-Lo predicts how long her couples will last after the wedding & reasons why Steve and Fran’s Marriage won't last? Fran choose her bridesmaids dresses to be teal, which Jlo explains has a bad omen because… (look below!)
Cred: The Wedding Planner (movie)
Well, sorry to burst any bubbles, but I, and I’m sure many other wedding planners, don’t actually have this ability (although many of us are inspired by this movie)…BUT I do see many different types of relationships and can always point out the ones who really understand what commitment/steps and choices they are making in marriage.
In the 20+ years I’ve worked as a wedding planner, I have gained a perspective on relationships that are unique to most. For less stress & less fights, here are a few pieces of advice in ensuring you not only go into your Wedding Day strong but ready!
Cred: Lisa Lorene
Prior to the Wedding Day:
Don’t blow the budget.
My FIRST piece of wedding planning advice to my couples is always, set a budget. The reason I say this first and foremost is because finances are so important in a marriage. It’s possible to have an incredible day, without draining your finances. Remember, you both have a life to live, once the big day is done!
Remember there are TWO of you getting married!
I’m totally the type of person who goes all in, especially when I get excited about something. While I want you to be excited about your big day, make sure you are ALSO considering your partner's wants and needs. The Wedding Planning process gives both of you a chance to set your relationship up for success, so communicate/compromise/ consider each other.
He might just not care about the details!
Many Grooms’ are NID’s (not into details *taken from The Wedding Planner) and that is nothing to worry about! I’ve seen all types of partners; some who are super into planning and others who say “I just want her/him to be happy!” Want more opinion from your NID fiance? Communicate about it + give them one or two tasks and work with them on it, so they feel involved but not overwhelmed.
Have “no plan” days set.
This is my BIGGEST piece of advice I have for you: set a schedule! Go on dates together where you don’t talk at all about the wedding. Instead, talk about yourselves/each other, your jobs, life. Trust me, Wedding Planning will consume you, it’s just inevitable, but also committing to grow your relationship is key!
On the flip side, give yourself a set time/day(s) when you will plan. Maybe every Saturday morning you answer emails and complete a task.
**one odd note: Most Wedding Vendors take Monday and sometimes Tuesday’s off for rest. Know this when you’re looking for a response to a question!
Keep the family situations to a minimum.
Gosh, this is a biggie. The biggest planning struggle for most of my Couples is when too many or certain family members' opinions get involved. There is a fine balance between including them, but also taking their opinions with a grain of salt...but the fact is, this lesson will need to be learned for your entire marriage. My advice is to do your best to keep the peace, but if the need arises, remember the wedding is about the two of you!
“It’s how you handle tough situations that says everything about who you are.” - Jamison
Insert personal touches into your day!
I’m a big fan of customizing details. From table numbers that are named after places you’ve traveled, to favors from that little honey shack you found together on a day date. Using custom moments & elements to your wedding will tie the entire day around the true MVP’s: both of you!
Be nice to each other.
I have a good story about this one: Once I was sitting-in on a tasting and quickly realized that the whole family was a bit on edge. It seemed most of them didn't want to be there and the mood was not a fun one. Towards the end of the tasting the dad bluntly said, “Well, it's HER day. If she is rude here, imagine what she’ll be like at the Wedding.” Now, I was appalled at the Dad’s unnecessary candor, but it did make me understand the situation. Her intensity and demands were not being received well. It’s a big reminder to remember to be nice. It is your day, but you can always attract more bees with honey, so if you’re feeling stressed, take a moment and breathe.
Don’t talk about the wedding with people who are not invited.
It sounds silly, but one of the biggest fights a Couple of mine got into was when a co-worker of the Groom shared how the Bride consistently spoke about the big day to him, then said “I’m sorry we don’t have space to invite you.” I couldn’t help but feel like the entire situation could have been avoided if she had been a bit more careful about who she was sharing her plans with.
Go to pre-marriage counseling.
Marriage is a forever thing, so why not go into your wedding day with tools on how to make the next decades of your life the best they can be! One person of the couple almost always tends to feel unsure about this, but I always find that my Couples who commit to regular counseling prior to their big day, seem more ready for the necessary steps.
Take a honeymoon after.
There’s something so amazing about celebrating with your family and friends, then heading off for a romantic time with just you two. Being able to de-stress, build a memory together, and start your marriage off on the right foot is SO important. Whether you jet off to a tropical island or stay local for a weekend away, it's important to take time together (no phone, social media or stress) and just be together, married.
Beyond everything, your wedding is about coming together with those you love the most to celebrate your love for each other. This looks different to every single couple I work with, but my goal as your Planner is to set off your life together on the best foot possible!!
